Thursday, December 2, 2010
Fuck My Life .
Oh wait , i say it again .
Sorry , really can't sleep . I dunno why . :\ .
So here's another 1 in a long while long post .. I hope not .
Even though I`m not confessing to her anymore as I stated in a post before this .......
Nvm , let's not get there .
Now I`m getting quite interested you see ...
SINCE WHEN was I so affected by infatuation . Really . I don't know when it was the last time I actually EVER gotten affected by infatuation so badly .. Or rather , it never happen before .
I had a lot of infatuation , but never had I been this affected .
Since when did I ever started having infatuation for her ?
The 1st time I met/saw her was with the Tech crew , at DbG , sometime early August(probably before National Day) , when Technika 2 just recently released .
Honestly , that time . I didn't really know who she is until Izumi(I guess) say bouncing sheep or something like that , so I know who she is in the end . Rainbow sheep, bouncing sheep , sheepy , Jan-chan . Well yeah , she does have a lot names . And apparently she have the same birthday as Val-wait , what am I talking about . Okay well I still know who is .. And okay , I say she DOES look cute the 1st time i saw her , but I`m always been seeing cute appearance 1st time that I`m actually used to this kind of 'infatuation' feeling(I know , just try figuring out what I`m saying at the bolded part.) .
During that day , Smiles asked what her age . She's 15 , Smiles remembered me been 14(Yeah I`m happy ! Someone remembered), and with Izumi , tease me to hook with her ... And I gave them the ... *Wut?* face . While she gave the ... *huh?o.o?* face .
Yeah , I totally . Seriously . Have . No . Interest feeling . For . Her .
The next time I saw her again was at Natsumatsuri Festival , but not long though . Just went to say hello only along with the Tech crew that were talking to her before entering the Festival .
After that ? I can't remember anymore . Which leading me to oblivion , why did I suddenly grew feeling for her ? I realize it too late . I killed myself this time . :\ .
Every time now and then , I tend to ... well , walk away from her/my sight . Yeah . I know . Something like . Coward feeling . But as if it matter . If can't be helped but she have to be in my sight , I mostly will just be keeping quiet . Yep . I think quite a few of the Tech Crew saw me in that 'Emo' state when we went for dinner a few weeks ago . Tch ..
Because of me saying few weeks ago . about 1 and a half month ago . Remember what I posted in October ? Something happen then . And because of that , I actually kinda get quite a few number of peoples to chat with me when I`m alone until I`m at least at home or at Cine . Janice was 1 of the few peeps . And then one day , she just asked me random questions , like . Why do i like Flat chest girls(I`m a lolicon if you still don't know by now .)? and etc. etc.
Then suddenly out of the blue she asked . "Why do you like me?" (While the you=Saddy, me=Janice) .
Why do she know I like her ? Because I always . well . You know ? SMS buddy . So I just decided to add in a phrase when she's busy/going to sleep. Which is "I <3 you" . Well yeah , it was for fun though . Make things to heat up . Anyway , how am I suppose to answer that out of the blue ? So , 1st , I replied... "shit..." , then after a few secs I replied "I dunno , just like you?"(Can't remember the exact sentence I said , but well yeah . It's something about this line.) . After a few message from her and me , she replied "See , you can't anyhow say you like me." Which made me learn my lesson on about the "I <3 you" . So well yeah , I replied "O.. Hahas , I feel like I just got rejected without even asking you out." . And after I sent that message , I reached Cine(was on the way to Cine) , and sent another message about I reached Cine . Though that didn't made her stop smsing for 2 or 3 more . The message were about how she is making me feeling like 'this' now . So those aren't important to be in the blog ...
Time check - 4:32AM .. WAIT WHAT ?!
Well I still can't sleep , so I`m gonna continue writing(Damn , I could really be a writer . I have a story on my Pri.4 Maple Love Story , My own Love in my Dream , and now this.)
Okay . I think , about a few weeks later . Me , Miyuki and Izumi were on the way home . We took circle line cause .. We are , frankly , just too lazy . :D . So we sat . And talked . blah blah blah . Then I can't remember how it is lead to what Izumi question me ... "Eh Saddy , you like Janice ah ?" .. When I unconsciously answered "Ya." without hesitation ... ~Silence..~ "WAIT HUH ?" . -.-" I swear I can be a Anime character then .
But then Miyuki and Izumi cheer me on trying to ask her out and etc....
When I alighted at Eunos and took the bus home . I smsed them " Thanks for just now.." . So yeah , I just did another lies . How good am I ? :) .
But probably , because of this lies I made , I got myself into the situation I`m in now . I`m in between 'infatuation' and 'love' . Combine and u get 'inlove' . Wait , that's random .
Hurhur . I`m don't feel good at all can . :\ . And I think , if I remember correctly . This scene happen AFTER the day about Janice and mine convo and before the convo with me,Miyuki and Izumi in the train .
At Cine . The group there were . Me , Mangkok , Buddy , Lacus , Rest , Izumi , Eden(i think he did come), Uguu(I think he did come too) and Janice . On that day , before we even went down for dinner , I`m already in daze, Because of the incident(Day since the incident happen : 3) . I dunno why , but I suddenly got affected by the incident despite the Tech crew's peeps are around . Then on the way to have our dinner at LJS(Mangkok suggested) , I walked behind the groups , slowly going into tears . 1 by 1 . I needed time alone . So I sat at a corner , but I guess it never really work . Because people will always pester you "What happen?" or sit with you . and things . blah blah blah . Well . Human automatic system i guess .
Janice suggested I should go to her funeral at least(she's the 1st one to know among the Tech crew , or else she won't be smsing all this while.) , I thought that true .. So I called Jing Kai(He called me on that day that he went to ___'s funeral) and asked where it's held .. But unfortunately .. It's already over . Gah . Fuck . I`m always side tracking . :\ . But maybe this story probably relate . hurhur . I dunno . :\ .
Time check - 5:00AM ... -.-"
Alright , even though I still can't sleep . I shall end thi- WAIT , THIS IS ALONG BLOODY LONG POST . Ah wdv , I`m end this post now . I`m probably gonna go Facebook/Touhou/Stepmania .
See you soon ...
12/02/2010 03:55:00 AM